Why we’re afraid Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom will suck

By: Bryan Banner

June 9, 2018

1. Chris Pratt– This isn’t because Pratt sucks, it’s because he has been working intensely the past few years another film that has historical significance in ‘Infinity War’. His fan favorite character of Star Lord, coupled with filming simultaneously with a remake of a shitty movie (The Lost World) there is a chance his heart just might not be in it.

2. Dino’s that suck– They are gonna add/ bring back dinosaurs that we don’t care about. Give us the classics if you are gonna have a movie about saving dinosaurs. Not dinosaurs that only paleontologists know.

3. Kids– Some how kids are gonna get back to the island. I love kids but how many bad parents are there where we are gonna get our fifth movie with dinosaurs and kids are gonna be trapped in the island also?

4. Why go back?– They are going back to the island to save the dinosaurs… that’s dumb. They set it up perfect to have to go back to stop Hopkins and his team from creating/ training dinosaurs to murder mother fuckers. That’s the movie we want to see, not one where Dallas Bryce Howard cries because nature is a real thing

5. Dinoland USA– It appears they are also bringing Dinosaurs back to the main land, and they are going to once again escape and a T-Rex will most likely eat a dog, and drink from a swimming pool before Jeff Goldblum and Julianne Moore can put a set in it and send it back to an island for it to have more Dino babies… this feels so familiar.

Let us know how insane our thoughts are, or if we might have a point. Thanks everybody, and can’t wait to see you at the movies.

-Bryan Banner

 

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